The Ending

It wasn’t a day I was looking forward to.
It was a day in my mind that had a big red circle around it.

It was something that I stored way back in the back of my brain and always pressed it down whenever it would start to reappear.

It was the day my maternity leave would be over.

That day came, there were a flood of emotions. I cried laying in bed when everyone else was asleep. I pulled my baby in closer to me then I had done in a very long time. I smelled him, kissed him, loved him like any mother would but only this time I knew that my days of holding him, rocking him, kissing him, loving him were coming to an end. My day wouldn’t be taking care of his every need.

It was tough, painful, mad me mad, sad. It just plain sucked.

But I knew that I had to be grateful. and I was. 5 months home with my little guy was the most amazing, bonding, time I have ever had. I didn’t miss those milestones that I did with Bridge. I never lacked being able to nourish him. My supply was, and still is, strong. I know his cries, I know his schedule, I got to be completely in the moment with Colter Ray for 5 months and for that I am so thankful.

No matter the heartache, the long nights, the tough not knowing I grew as a mother, Colter taught me so much in 5 months about who I am as a person and my maternity leave will always be one of gratefulness, growing, learning and loving. My leave will always be a cherished memory that I will never forget.